Atlanticus Arts April 2024 Release
32mm & 75mm (Solid & Hollow)
Professionally Pre-Supported
Renders & Turntable Included
The Misadventures of Sven Bloodaxe
Once upon a time, in the mystical land of Grogglethorn, there lived a barbarian named Sven Bloodaxe. Sven was not your typical brooding, stoic warrior. No, he was a barrel-chested, ale-loving and slightly dim-witted force of nature.
Sven’s trusty battle-axe, Skullsplitter, had seen more tavern brawls than actual battles. It was rumored that Skullsplitter had once split a keg of ale in half during a particularly rowdy tavern dispute. Sven wore the scars of that night proudly, etched into his forehead like a drunken map.
One day, Sven received a quest from the village elder. The task was simple; retrieve the Sacred Chalice of Giggles from the treacherous Cave of Chuckles. The chalice was said to grant its possessor the ability to make anyone laugh uncontrollably.
Sven set off on his quest, accompanied by his loyal companion, Greg the Talking Greatsword. Greg was a sentient greatsword with a penchant for puns and a love for smashing things. Together, they made an odd but effective team.
As they entered the Cave of Chuckles, Sven encountered a series of traps. The first was a hallway filled with banana peels. Sven slipped and slid, laughing uproariously as he tumbled head over heels.
Next, they faced the Tickle Trap, a room filled with feathered darts that tickled anyone who entered. Sven danced around, giggling like a schoolgirl, while Greg floated stoically, immune to the ticklish assault.
Finally, they reached the inner chamber, where the Sacred Chalice of Giggles awaited but it was guarded by the fearsome Giggle Golem, a creature made entirely of laughter. Its booming voice echoed throughout the cave.
“Who dares disturb my mirthful slumber?” The Giggle Golem bellowed.
“It is I, Sven Bloodaxe!” Sven declared, trying to maintain a serious expression. “I seek the Sacred Chalice of Giggles!”
The Giggle Golem burst into laughter, its stony body shaking. “You seek the chalice, mortal? Very well! But first, you must tell me a joke!”
Sven scratched his head. “Uh, okay. Why did the chicken cross the road?”
The Giggle Golem leaned in eagerly. “Why?”
“To get to the tavern for happy hour!” Sven blurted out.
The Giggle Golem erupted into laughter, rolling on the cave floor. “Well done, Sven Bloodaxe! You have earned the Sacred Chalice of Giggles!”
Sven grabbed the chalice, which was surprisingly shaped like a giant tankard. He took a swig and immediately burst into uncontrollable laughter. Greg floated beside him, shaking his head.
Returning to the village, Sven wielded the chalice like a trophy. Whenever he entered a tavern, everyone would laugh uproariously, even if he hadn’t told a joke. The Sacred Chalice of Giggles had transformed Sven into the life of every party.
That, my friends, is how Sven Bloodaxe became the most beloved (and bewildering) barbarian in all of Grogglethorn.
So ends the tale of Sven Bloodaxe, the barbarian who conquered caves, taverns and punchlines with equal gusto. May your next ale be as frothy as your laughter! Happy April Fool's Month!
