Ork Khork Skullsnappaboss

Every Goreboy finds da Blood God da same way. He dies, he sees him, he comes back changed. Most come back with a new purpose.

A Mek comes back with questions.

Da Skullsnappaboss had only one. Da Blood God wants skulls. Fine. Understood. But why does it take so long to get them?

Think about da process. You find an enemy. You fight da enemy. You win, eventually, after a lot of shouting and some damage you would rather not discuss. Then you still have to get da skull off, which is a whole separate job, and by then half da time someone else has crushed it, stepped on it, or claimed it first. Da Skullsnappaboss looked at all of this with da eye of a professional and saw nothing but wasted steps.

He has only been devoted to da Blood God for a few months, and he spent all of them in da workshop. Nobody knows exactly what happened in there. There were noises. There were several explosions and at least one fire that nobody could put out and that eventually just went somewhere else. Two of his Grot assistants are still missing, and he says they are fine.

What came out is da Snappa. Point it at someone in da middle of a fight, pull da trigger, and their skull is no longer on their shoulders. It is in da Snappa. Clean. Whole. Ready for offering.

When it works properly, it works so neatly that da enemy does not notice right away. They keep fighting for a few more moments - swinging, aiming, sometimes still shouting orders - before da body catches up with da news and falls over. Da Skullsnappaboss finds this extremely funny every single time.

When it does not work properly, it does something else. It might blow up. It might take da wrong skull. It might take a skull from somewhere that was not even on da battlefield, and nobody wants to ask whose that was. Once it took something that was very much not a skull, and da Snappa has not been quite right since.

Like every Ork invention, it is about as reliable as da Ork who built it. Da Skullsnappaboss considers this acceptable. Da results are excellent, da failures are spectacular, and either way it is fun.

And for once, da skulls reach da Blood God in one piece. After da Skullkrushaz, nobody in da warband is complaining about that.

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