Ork Grot Double-Decker Commissar

The battle was going badly, and then it got worse: something two grots tall came wobbling over the ridge, screeching in two voices at once.

It wore a commissar's hat. It wore a commissar's coat. Under the coat, four legs argued about which direction was forward. The top half waved a saber at the horizon. The bottom half grinned at everyone through the buttons. And the mob - starved for leadership, or maybe just entertainment - stopped shooting, looked up, and did exactly wot the thing told 'em to do.

Wot the thing told 'em to do changed every four minutes, along with its title. Grand Marshal. Supreme Kommissar. Boss of Da Boss of Da Bosses. Doesn't matter. When a two-storey authority figure points a saber at something, that something gets charged. When it fires the tiny gun, everyone else starts firing too, mostly out of politeness. And when it topples over, which is often, the mob politely waits for it to reassemble before continuing the war.

Did some proper orks mistake it for a real commissar? Officially, no. Unofficially, several boyz have been overheard bragging that their mob has "an actual 'ooman kommissar, dead scary one, got two heads".

No one has corrected them. Command structures this stupid are load-bearing.

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